Tag Archive | Sexual objectification

Looking at Women, A Father’s Advice to his Son

I want to hug this man. He is truly a man. Not a sheep, not a coward, not a fool, not a lustful a$$hat like so many other men in this world. He will not allow society to skew his values, make his decisions,  and he will not be a a part of the endless objectification of women. And bless him, he won’t raise his son that way either. He will teach his young man that we are all people, and we are all in control of ourselves. I know this. And I think men know it too, but have ridden on this theory for far too long that their hormones somehow overpower their judgement. Everyone enjoys seeing someone attractive. Everyone. But we all have control of our thoughts and actions.  (I wrote something previously Men can control themselves)

http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/

I think the whole notion that men and women are so different is stupid. There I said it. Stupid. All that kind of thinking does is justify bad behavior and miscommunication (why did wordpress underline this? Why are so many of the words I use not in the wordpress spellchecker? haha, wordpress is underlined too!).

When I get Hubby to talk, guess what? He has all the same emotions, fears, guilts, worries, dreams, and hopes that I do. He is used to stuffing them down pretty deeply, but they are in there. And when we connect, it is a truly beautiful thing. Our souls speak the same language.

When I see a firm, shirtless man walking by, my eyes are drawn there for a second. But then I choose to look away. He is not mine, and his choice to be shirtless does not give me the right to ogle. Not for long, anyway.   🙂   (see women struggle with this too!) And it definitely does not give me the right to make comments, whistle, wink, leer, or touch him. I still encounter men, on a fairly regular basis, that think it is OK to stare, comment, and grab girls when they are dressed cutely.  Harassment is one step away from abuse, and I think it could be a small step for some.  That may be a blurry line somehow.  I have heard so many abusers say “they couldn’t help themselves” and that the victim “made them do it”. Disgusting. Stupid. Wrong. And it needs to stop.

I hope Hubby will have a similar talk with our boys when they are a bit older. I’ll do it too, but it will mean so much more coming from the most important man in their life. I want my boys to grow up and respect women, respect all people. And to know that they are always in control, every action they take was a choice they made. We are all accountable for our own choices, and no more excuses.

 

Can you imagine a world like that? All honesty and no more excuses? Wow. It is so much a part of our culture, so accepted, that it is actually difficult to imagine. Here’s some examples.

Driver- “I’m sorry officer, I was speeding because it was fun. My fault, I’ll pay the fine”

Doctor – “I chose to go golfing this morning and made you wait for an entire hour past our scheduled time, I will not charge you for the appointment today”

Husband – “I chose to disrespect you and ogled that woman’s ass over there for the past 5 minutes and did not hear what you just said.”

Wife – “I chose to disrespect you and trash talked about you to my girlfriends yesterday”

College Student – “I chose to go to a frat party last night and was way too drunk to complete the assignment”

Professor – “My ego is way too fragile to admit a mistake so I have marked all of your tests as incorrect”

 

I think the world needs a serious reality check. Can you think of any others?

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Men CAN actually control themselves, if we expect them to

http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/19/living/women-bodies-public-perception/index.html

This article was going around facebook, and I thought it would be good to share here. Apparently many women are getting tired with being viewed as a sex object, and not owning our bodies.

Women’s rights have come a long way, but we’re not there yet, not at all. I grew up in a house where women were inferior, where our ideas did not matter, and our only purpose was to be pretty and fulfill sexual urges of men at will. My Dad never thought he was wrong, still does not think he was wrong for “enjoying” my body since he was never violent and never hurt me. He always said I was so beautiful he could not control himself.

Every day I am bombarded by sexual images, and some very explicit images when doing innocent google searches. It is actually impossible to completely avoid.

I have come a long way in healing from childhood sexual abuse, and coming to my own understanding of healthy sexuality. The only thing that makes sense to me, is sharing your nakedness with your spouse. Naked should be sacred, and for only one person. I really believe this now very strongly.

And I’m tired of the “Men will be men” attitude that they HAVE to look at porn. Like it is their right, and they can not control themselves. I’m tired of the “Men are wired differently” argument. Guess what? If I look at naked photos, I also get excited, and aroused. News Flash – Women enjoy looking at men! But I now choose to look away, because that is not meant for me, and is disrespectful to my husband. Just because some people choose to give the world permission to watch them online or in videos or magazines, does not make it right for anyone to choose to view it.

I think it is time we hold men (women too of course, though more women already control this) up to a higher standard, and force them to control themselves, and be accountable for their actions.

If someone sat in my living room and offered me free cocaine, I would refuse and ask them to leave. If someone sat in my living room and suddenly starting undressing and touching themselves, I would ask them to stop – and leave. (Unless it is hubby and the kids are asleep, but that’s a different story) But somehow so many people think it is ok to watch porn in their living room. Those are real people, really having sex. Right in front of you. The more I thought about that, the weirder it felt, and easier to see it just isn’t right.

I already posted how I feel about those bars with scantily clad waitresses. And then actual strip clubs make me furious, especially the ones called “gentleman’s club” because to me, a gentleman would protect a woman’s modesty and shield his eyes. And for ages this has been ok, excused behavior for men, to fill some need they have and women don’t. Bulls**t is what I say!! Lusting after anyone except your spouse, even if you were “just looking”, just should not be acceptable.

So I guess we can’t stop the porn industry, and I don’t think we need to all dress in head-to-toe tents, but we can demand our good men to behave like good men. We can demand our men to respect us and all women. We can expect men to control themselves. We can help take the pride and coolness away from objectifying women. As a teenage girl, I would have never been allowed to hang a playgirl poster in my room. But my brothers were encouraged to have swimsuit models in theirs.

I am doing my part by raising respectful boys. I have the same rules for my sons as my I do for my daughter. I don’t allow my boys to be rough and rude and vulgar, because “boys will be boys”. I demand respect for everyone and from everyone in my house. I will teach my boys as they mature that porn is just another temptation in our world, and can be just as dangerous and devastating as drugs or other reckless actions. Yes –  you may enjoy it, it may be free, and it may seem like it is only affecting you. But we must all make the tough choices to be strong and resist all temptation for quick reward to have the most satisfying life, and satisfying world for everyone in it.

This is completely different than how I felt a few years ago. But a few years ago I was still a helpless victim, an abused woman living in a man’s world. Now I see I have to expect respect. We all do. I am no longer afraid, and no one’s victim. I am a woman, and although I am pretty and curvy, I would like the world to see what else I can offer. Pretty and curvy is just a bonus!