Here is a link to a wonderful site, blog, and amazing resources for anyone with depression. It is geared to Mamas with PPD, but the self care and grounding techniques would be helpful to anyone suffering with dark thoughts of mental illness. I wish I had known about this blog, or any of the blogs I now know, when I had PPD after each baby. I tried online chats and forums before I found blogging, and it just wasn’t that helpful. I actually found the chats to be quite scary, so many sad voices saying terrible things, it was much worse than what was already in my head and certainly not soothing, supportive, or healing. Blogging is actually helping me to heal from my childhood trauma, as I connect to others in a very real way, as I confront my inner demons and get real with myself. Every time I write my memories in my own voice, it allows me to process, own it, and move on.
An excerpt from this amazing PPD blog:
When you cannot access your love for anybody, let alone yourself,
When every waking thought hurts and all your dreams are nightmares,
When no matter what you try you think you fail,
I hope you remember this.
It’s not you. Your brain has been hijacked by the PPDemons. The bastards.
They scream in your head. Their screams become your thoughts, but they are not truly yours. If you weren’t so vulnerable right now (and you have every right to be vulnerable these days) you would be able to tell the difference.
We all need tools to help us remember who we really are and get us through the pain. I especially like these:
Just because/Doesn’t mean . . .
Just because you feel like a bad mother . . .
doesn’t mean you are not a very good enough mother.
(The perfect mother doesn’t exist, the desire to be a good mother is what makes you into one, the rest is practice and love)
Just because you are angry at your toddler
doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel your love
(Anger is another form of caring, and there are very healthy ways of expressing it. More about that soon)
Just because you feel like shit
doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart of gold
(and a mind of diamond!)
Just because you try and fail
doesn’t mean you are not accomplishing things
(failing is no fun for the ego, but it gives you lots of opportunites to learn)
Just because you had a setback
doesn’t mean you are not making progress.
(actually setbacks are a sure sign of progress! and boy, I would much rather never have one ever again!)
Just because your husband is picking up some slack
doesn’t mean you should feel guilty
(it’s ok to feel the guilt, it’s a practically unavoidable knee jerk reaction, but the guilt doesn’t make it wrong)
Just because you are crying
doesn’t mean you are weak.
(Accessing your tears gives you power)
Just because you don’t have power over your PPD
doesn’t mean you don’t have power in it.
(practicing your power makes it grow, using these mantras is a good start)
Just because you hate yourself
doesn’t mean you are not loveable.
(Thank goodness, self loathing doesn’t block your amazing-ness from shining)