Tag Archive | it can get better

Surgery success

I’m home from the hospital and mending nicely already from back surgery. I’m in less pain than I was pre-surgery, generally, unless I’m walking up stairs or doing extensive physical therapy.

Here’s the news, something I’m afraid to type, for fear of believing in it or making it not true. But this surgeon was able to correct the problems caused during my childhood surgery. He says to me, “I decompressed the nerve completely. You now have fully restored communication.”

And then he left and I was so groggy, but as the next few days I started waking up from anesthesia and getting stronger, and the neural assessments on my legs were equal. I could lift my right toes and hold them there. I could lift my right knee off the bed. I could stand and walk and feel my legs beneath me.

I still think I’m dreaming.

27 years I’ve had a weak leg. And he fixed it? I went in for a fusion at L4 to Ilium. But I gave him permission to inspect and revise original fusion as needed. He found the compressed area up around T12. And he fixed it. He FIXED it!!!!! I’ll detail the surgery itself in another post.

I have sensations in my belly, bladder, and my legs that are foreign to me but I think are supposed to be there, things I haven’t been able to feel all these years. And even better, the horrible blinding, crushing pain I’ve had in my legs..is gone. Just like that. The pain that no meds, no position, no exercise, nothing helped. It was a constant. No more twitches and electrical zaps making me yelp.

So I can’t let myself believe this is true, because good things don’t happen to me. I don’t get fixed. Something is going to happen, like the swelling will go down and something will shift and it will all return. I’m so afraid to be happy. I keep almost crying with joy, but then hold it back when I fill my head with fears and doubts.

But the truth is…I’m better. I’ve still got a weaker leg, but it responds to me now and is already stronger than last week. Like it’s been sleeping and it’s ready to work now. I have a long road ahead, but physical therapists said I might walk without a limp one day. She said I might even run. OK typing that started the tears. I want it so badly, to run free. To feel strong. To look ahead and not at the ground. Can it be true? Please?