When the counselor announced we had a guest coming in to lead our group in a poetry exercise I inwardly groaned and tried to contain my skepticism and eye rolling. Actually it was worse than that, I was prepared to endure an hour of terrible poetry torture like from Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy. I actually enjoy reading some poetry, and writing it more than reading it – sometimes, when the creative mood hits me and the words seem to flow. I didn’t think someone could guide a group of barely speaking women to write anything.
I was wrong.
She only gave us only about 12 minutes to formulate ideas and scribble some thoughts on paper, and when we went around the room, everyone shared a unique and interesting bit of imagery, style and depth. Like it was easier to get our thoughts on paper in this form, it was fascinating really. Because our poems weren’t about us personally, or didn’t have to be, but they were a little actually of course. I wish I remembered some of the lovely words but it probably wouldn’t be right to share them here anyway. Instead I can only share that it was a beautiful moment and I’m so happy that we were all vulnerable to be there together to do it. I don’t any of us will win awards or get published, but that wasn’t the point at all.
At first I didn’t want to share mine, wanting to fix it first, finish it, polish it. But whatever, I could see this was about sharing ideas while they were still hot and raw – not perfect. so I shared. And it wasn’t even scary, because I love to perform. I’m choosing not to share it here, because it does not need to be performed again, it lived in that special moment of the group and will remain there because it will take too long to explain the meanings and my point is not a poetry lesson here today.
my point is that sometimes I am wrong.
And sometimes imperfection is a powerful tool to make us feel connected and vulnerable.
And I need to try to stop pre- hating everything. hmmm. My inner critic judges not only me but so all of my activities so harshly – even before they begin, before they have a chance. No wonder I never have any fun.
I have an open mind for ideas and theories and learning. I need to figure out how to open my mind for new opportunities for myself that might be ok. See start small, I don’t expect awesome here, maybe just ok is enough for now.