Surgery success

I’m home from the hospital and mending nicely already from back surgery. I’m in less pain than I was pre-surgery, generally, unless I’m walking up stairs or doing extensive physical therapy.

Here’s the news, something I’m afraid to type, for fear of believing in it or making it not true. But this surgeon was able to correct the problems caused during my childhood surgery. He says to me, “I decompressed the nerve completely. You now have fully restored communication.”

And then he left and I was so groggy, but as the next few days I started waking up from anesthesia and getting stronger, and the neural assessments on my legs were equal. I could lift my right toes and hold them there. I could lift my right knee off the bed. I could stand and walk and feel my legs beneath me.

I still think I’m dreaming.

27 years I’ve had a weak leg. And he fixed it? I went in for a fusion at L4 to Ilium. But I gave him permission to inspect and revise original fusion as needed. He found the compressed area up around T12. And he fixed it. He FIXED it!!!!! I’ll detail the surgery itself in another post.

I have sensations in my belly, bladder, and my legs that are foreign to me but I think are supposed to be there, things I haven’t been able to feel all these years. And even better, the horrible blinding, crushing pain I’ve had in my gone. Just like that. The pain that no meds, no position, no exercise, nothing helped. It was a constant. No more twitches and electrical zaps making me yelp.

So I can’t let myself believe this is true, because good things don’t happen to me. I don’t get fixed. Something is going to happen, like the swelling will go down and something will shift and it will all return. I’m so afraid to be happy. I keep almost crying with joy, but then hold it back when I fill my head with fears and doubts.

But the truth is…I’m better. I’ve still got a weaker leg, but it responds to me now and is already stronger than last week. Like it’s been sleeping and it’s ready to work now. I have a long road ahead, but physical therapists said I might walk without a limp one day. She said I might even run. OK typing that started the tears. I want it so badly, to run free. To feel strong. To look ahead and not at the ground. Can it be true? Please?

9 thoughts on “Surgery success

  1. Crying for you! Thank God for miracles, good surgeons, medical staff, and your willingness to push at the fear and try one more time. Take your surgery off my prayer wall and put it under Answered Prayer and adding continued prayers for your improvement. Happy dance.

  2. It will take a mental shift and adjustment, but you’ve been brave before. Time to be brave and accept that you’ve been given a gift. As difficult as it can be to believe it, just keep doing what you are doing. Testing it for strength and durability, and allowing yourself, one accepting increment at a time, to really believe. We are all so very happy for you. Imagine what your life might look like if you were healed. Almost too much to imagine, right? But ready or not, it sounds like it’s time to actually start wrapping your head around that possibility.

    If it helps any, we will all believe for you, while you get accustomed to believing. Congrats!

    Hugging you in happy joy for your change in direction. Life loves to surprise us! 🙂

    • Once again you understand completely. I will absolutely accept this gift, in increments, in time. So happy to share some good news, and this is monumental good news, with my friends here. Hugs back

  3. I’m having 2 surgeries in one day in July. Anterior where they remove 4-5 discs and replace with xlif and then flipped over for my spinal fusion T2-L4. They won’t be able to correct it more than 50-60% but anything is better than what I am dealing with right now.

    • My original curve was not completely corrected either, they just fused it in place in the curve to stop the progression and add stability. I’m not going lie, it’s a tough surgery, but you can do it. I’m sure you are already used to pain. I haven’t found the surgical pain unbearable, only after car rides and lots of activity. I’m actually in less pain resting than I was before the surgery. And walking is actually possible now. I ache, but he removed the knife from my back that used to stop me. I’m only 3 weeks after surgery and doing so much better than I anticipated. Don’t let my hospital story scare you, hospitals are never fun and everyone responds differently to meds.

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