Feeling mostly useless

My current state of mind and body is all new territory. I am either mentally or physically unable to do most of what I used to do just a year ago. I’m feeling mostly useless now, like I’m mostly occupying space. ( granted much less space than I used to, I’ve lost so much weight which is good)

I used to create our budget and pay our bills. Hubby does this now. I asked him to take it over out of necessity last year when the migraines hit full force, then asked him to continue to minimize my stress. Other than feeling a bit out of the loop, I don’t miss it. So lately when hubby has seemed stressed and pressed for time, I’ve offered to help out and pay bills if he wanted me too, or take that chore back from him if he preferred. Surprisingly he said no. He prefers to keep doing it himself. As much as I wanted to be helpful, I was greatly relieved by his response.

My other household tasks include washing dishes, vacuuming, sometimes making meals, helping with homework, calendar planning, driving kids to school, and general light duty tidying. The kids and hubby do all of the lifting, pushing, moving, etc.

I fill my days with TV, video games, therapy homework, chatting to online friends, exercise, and distracting myself from pain.

I used to be the person with ideas, with skills and talents, with more use than time. Now I have all of this time and I feel mostly useless.

One thought on “Feeling mostly useless

  1. It sounds like you’re incredibly busy. Different perspective: I know someone who broke an upper leg bone, which put them in a full-body cast, chest to ankles. They could watch television, as long as they had the remote, and listen to the radio or audio books. Reading was difficult because they were on their back, for several months. You have been through a head-on collision. You are not what you do for others. That is something you do. You are a precious human being who’s been severely injured and never received the proper care. Now, you are. Beating yourself up is only adding insult to injury. However, having said that, I do understand the sense of loss and the desperate need to grieve, which in many ways you’re still denying yourself. Hope that doesn’t sound harsh. I can’t be sure as it’s a lecture I give myself. Keep fighting for you. You are worth it.

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