Managing

Life feels manageable now, and even enjoyable. I’m getting more energy back each day, more motivation to do what needs done without everything seeming so difficult. Even spraining my ankle and requiring crutches was manageable, (yes completely annoying, frustrating, and I didn’t handle it well the first day or two) setback.

I’ve taken back the bits of chores from hubby that I can manage, started driving my own butt and kids places again, and I’m completely and totally MOM again. I realized I hadn’t been MOM for quite a while, and while that saddens me, all I can do is repair bridges and march forward. By the amounts of hugs, smiles, and stories I am getting, they needed my attention and stored it up for me, and it seems to be balancing out now. It was overwhelming at first to me, but I didn’t retreat, instead I let it wash over me, like taking a shower in a waterfall.

I’m no longer traumatized by touches and affection from my kids, and actually enjoying some snuggle time. I’m so relieved that has passed, it was dreadful being afraid and jumpy when my 7 year old wants a hug. I don’t think anyone, any med, or any hospital actual helped me with that, it was just time to allow my overstressed nerves to heal, I think. Also, I have limited other social stresses by creating more safe boundaries for myself. I have a no call/no email boundary with my mom in place for the current time until I decide if that can ever be lifted. I have a no touch boundary in place for my husband. All of this is giving me space and room to relax.

I have more patience with kids now, even though we’re together nearly all of the time during summer break now. All of us worked together to bake a cake for youngest’s birthday, and it was so much fun. I didn’t have to squeeze it in between meetings and reports, the entire day was just about them. Now the party today is a different story, and I don’t think I will be attending it, sadly. It is at one of those obnoxious places with games, laser tag, bungee jumps, you name it they have it and everything beeps or whoops and blinks or strobes. A migraine nightmare. Kiddo doesn’t need me there, he’ll be busy with games and friends. I’ll be here when he comes home and he can tell me all about while I’m migraine free, rather than me suffer through it and spend the next 4 days in bed.

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