I’m in a migraine holding pattern, meaning my brain has forgotten how to be ‘normal’ and is hyper-responsive to anything right now. I have super bionic senses – all of them. I am truly highly sensitive. I am not ‘feeling’ sensitive but I am over-reacting.
I turned on the water in the sink and screamed in pain from the roaring sound that overwhlemed me for a moment.
I have dimmed all of the lights and displays to ease up on my eyes. No interest in going outside, the sun, if we had any shining, would be too bright through closed eyelids. Makes me see spots.
My skin feels as if it is bruised all over, so a simple brush or bump causes near black out as I recover from the shock.
These are not me imagining everything is too loud. The actual neurons in my head have changed how my ears process input. This is a chemical change in my head. It is too soon to tell if new meds will help, still slowly dosing up over many weeks.
Good news is the weakness and twitching in arms and legs have gone and I’m getting around pretty normal today. I don’t have full fine motor control in my right hand yet, struggle to pick up pills, but typing seems better today.
I have not had another major attack since Friday, only minor ones that I DID NOT IGNORE and immediately went to bed each time to make sure they didn’t get worse.
I feel like a ticking time bomb, that my brain can explode any second for any reason. I had enough control issues, really. PTSD always had me on the look out for triggers, and now I’m worried about the migraine and getting paralyzed suddenly too. And I’m worried that the two conditions are completely intertwined and maliciously feeding off of each other. Hightened stress response from PTSD sets off a new migraine – or a new migraine sets off a PTSD flashback.
As you can imagine, it is not great fun inside my head right now. Like an LSD trip (I am guessing) without all the fun and good feelings. I kind of wish I had experimented with drugs at some point, but I was way too perfect for that.