I would. If only I could hear it.
I have this haunting faint memory of the girl I used to be. What I used to dream. When I used to think anything was possible.
I wanted to save the world.
I wanted to create amazing medical breakthroughs to reduce pain and suffering. I started reading medical journals in middle school. the other girls in school were interested in mascara and the latest boy band heartthrob. I was reading about medical labs and planning ways to save the animals from cruel testing. I always knew I wanted to be a scientist. The human body is truly a miracle and I wanted to understand how it worked. How I could be a lump of tissues, cells and biochemical impulses.
I wanted to save everyone from the terror of asthma and living on the brink of suffocation every day.I wanted to create the best imitation nervous system and regrow damaged spinal cords.I wanted to create brain boosters to stop nightmares and and unlock human potential.
I wanted to work hard, and travel and teach the world everything I had discovered. I wanted to be beautiful and powerful and famous. And then I wanted to have a great big house and adopt the children no one wanted and hug them all, just hug them.
I used to have a song in my heart. I used to want to give myself to the world. I used to have something to give. The crushing realization of this absence is making it hard to breathe, and bloody hell, it is making it hard to BE.
What happened to me?! How do I get my song back? I can’t keep going as an empty shell. One day I will simply cease to be, and that thought gives me the most comfort of all. And that terrifies me.
And so today, yet again, I will dance to someone else’s song, because not dancing at all isn’t an option, and pray my own song returns.
Enjoy Ed Sheeran’s song, Don’t. I love the down n dirty feel of this song, and paired with Philip’s amazing dancing. You can tell Philip hears the song in his heart, it comes out in every step he takes. I was amazed by him on So You Think You Can Dance and wanted to share it here.