I’m thinking this will not be as fun as Ben Stiller meeting Robert DeNeiro. But I also don’t think my therapist will be a former CIA operative. But I am going to try to let her into my circle of trust, so it works.
I’ve trusted my therapist more than anyone else in my life. She was the one I trusted first. She was my constant. And now she is gone and I feel so abandoned. I understand she needed time away, and I don’t fault her for that, not really, not my adult side. But my inner child feels so scared. She has recommended this new therapist, so it feels like she has hired a babysitter and is saying
“don’t worry, you two will have fun and mommy will be back before you know it.”
Stupid? no, not really. I have placed maternal value on my therapist and even wondered if it was truly healthy, as I was trying to earn her praise.
I don’t want to do this. But I don’t want to wait until I am in crisis and in full winter blues to speak to someone new either. But I don’t want to do this.
So it is time for auto-pilot. shower, dress, drive, smile. and see what happens.
Oh and I am armed with my powerful imagination, so if she turns out to be an idiot, I will imagine her doing the bunny hop. And if she talks on and on I will imagine her with a fruit laden hat being swarmed by monkeys and she invents the fruit-lady dance that will become a craze in night clubs everywhere.
And then I’ll do my research, Sherlock holmes style. I’ll check her diplomas, scan her bookshelf titles, check personal photos on her desk, check for props. Then I’ll check her intelligence by throwing out some big words and concepts, see if she understands the melatonin/serotonin/tryptophan interactions, see if she knows Prozac has many name brands but only 1 chemical. See if she can look me in the eye when I tell her my terrible truths.
I’ve decided I will give her 3 hours to prove herself not an idiot and not a personality clash – and worthy of my time and money.
urrrm, my tummy hurts. can’t I just stay home today? shut up brain. shower, dress, drive. now go.