I think my brain is learning how to comfort me, rather than continuously attack me.
I have had fewer nightmares this year than ever in my life. And even better, I have started having dreams so wonderfully comforting that I wake up feeling loved.
These are very specific dreams, about some dear friends that I had in high school but drifted away from me during the chaos of the year I finally spoke up and moved out of my AF’s house.
I still don’t have true friends, no one I can call or would want to call and talk about my day. I miss the closeness I had with one friend in particular. I have attempted to reconnect with her on multiple occasions, but she lives in a distant country now, and although she will answer my emails, it just isn’t the same. Life moved on and our friendship faded away.
I have had some dreams now where I am living near this friend, and we are partners. In one we owned a bar together, worked together each day and it was so lovely. She looked me in the eyes and hugged me and said how she enjoyed working with me. We would clean up each night, a simple routine, I stacked chairs up on the table, counted the money, balanced the books, took inventory, and then we both sat together having a drink and chatting until wee hours. And then we did it again the next night.
I woke up with such a lovely feeling, as if it really happened. I didn’t miss her so badly after this dream, it was so powerful and real.
I do hope that one day I can find a girl that I can feel so comfortable with like that. I’d love to have someone else in my life that I can trust and love. Hubby is awesome, but he just can’t listen or giggle like a girl.
I have some friends that I hang out with – I couldn’t say that 2-3 years ago. I have a friend that I could ask to babysit and petsit – I didn’t have that 1 year ago.
So I don’t think it is impossible to hope for a true friend to come in to my life one day, but for now, I am content with the warm fuzzy dreams.