Sometimes, I wish my powerful survival instincts were wrong. Sometimes I wish my gut feelings about people were an over-reaction. This time I was so correct, so painfully correct.
My brother has been hurt again. Stabbed in the back by a talented trickster. Is his ex-fiancé a sociopath? Perhaps. Is she a people-user? Yes 100%. Is she a liar, and able to put on a convincing show of love to get what she wants? Yes.
My brother’s wife left him about 2 years ago. She just up an left and said sorry I don’t love you, haven’t for years, and oh yeah by the way I have this other guy I’ve been sleeping with for years. I’m going to go live with him now, good luck with our kids, I don’t want them either. You guys are such a drag. And she moved out to escape motherhood and the lovely life they had in exchange for one full of parties, late nights and excessive drinking.
My brother peeled his flattened self off the road after she ran that truck over him. He stayed strong for his kids and kept everything afloat. He provided stability in the middle of chaos and unimaginable pain.
And then here comes facebook. He starts chatting with an old friend who listened with a sympathetic ear to his troubles. Their friendship escalated into the hope of a new love. He allowed her into his hurting heart, and then into his home. She soon proudly wore a diamond ring.
I wanted to be happy for my brother, but I had so many warning bells ringing. I could not stand this new girl, and even feared her. My reaction was so strong that I warned him to be careful, and then completely avoided her. Even though I knew little about her, she triggered every survival instinct in me to run away.
–When she moved in with him, she found a great job at a prestigious hospital within a week. She then lost that same job the next week. (I don’t think she ever looked for a job or intended to look for one let alone actually got hired)
–She hung all over him and acted like she owned him, ALWAYS touching him, even caressing him at my niece’s wedding during the ceremony (sociopaths use touch to control people, making you feel good and in contact to produce warm fuzzy feelings constantly and also to make a barrier to anyone else getting near you – first step towards isolation)
–She had 2 previous divorces, 1 with a messy custody battle still ongoing
–She was willing to move her daughter into a house with a known pedophile living there in a locked room. No problem, that’s normal.
–She seemed overly interested in a business deal my brothers were working on
–She made it obvious to me that I no longer knew my own brother and that she knew him better than anyone
–She instantly started converting him, making him go to her church, follow her schedule, follow her rules
–She put down everyone in his life making her appear his hero
–She put herself in spot where he felt compelled to help her and her kids – he now felt responsible for them
Recently her true colors have been revealed. In preparation for the upcoming wedding, they opened joint banking accounts. (yes I hear you groaning already, yes you know what she did). Yup. She cleaned him out. Withdrew nearly every cent, putting it towards the custody court fees. She did not care that he now had no money to pay the mortgage that month. His problem. Even though she lived there too with her 1 kid. The signs were there prior to the cleaning out – her daughter suddenly needed an expensive dance class, her daughter had a new tablet and many apps, data charges billed to his account. And then the big whammy.
He decided to end it. not just the money, but he found they were incompatible as parents, he didn’t like how she handled disciple and let her kid do anything, never enforcing respect and spoiling her saying she was entitled to it all.
Well, when he asked her to leave, she responded with a threatening letter, basically saying she would never leave and if he tried to make her go, she would sue for him for all he has got and make his life a living nightmare. He took this letter to his lawyer, who whistled, and said we better be careful with this one – she is a professional user/abuser and knows how to work the system. He looked up her records and founds dozens of court cases where she is always the poor victim and makes out big.
Apparently, if you ask someone to move in with you and they sell their house, under the promise of marriage – they are actually entitled to remain in your house and get you for breach of contract or false pretense or some crap. She has been cooking, cleaning and watching his kids, acting as a wife, and may actually get some money for ending the engagement.
She is sneaky and sly and making him uncomfortable in his own home.
I knew. So sad, but I knew it. I got chills and nauseous and AFRAID when I was with her. I knew.
I wish I was wrong. Not sure how this will turn out or how to help my brother. I told him I love him – all I could think to do. He is not alone. He needs to know that.
He finally got AF out of his house and has realized his fiancé is just as bad. The lies, the manipulation, the coercion, the control.
Now look at this from another angle. Of course he selected someone like our parents as a mate. We love what is familiar. He hasn’t gotten out like me, he’s been immersed in sickness, living with AF, living in denial. He let this fiend into his heart and house not truly believing that people like this exist. Always he has doubted, skirted how terrible our childhood had been.
What a terrible way for him to learn this lesson, but I do hope he has learned it once and for all. People with cold hearts exist in this world and prey on those with unsuspecting, innocent, good hearts.
I still have a good heart – but the unsuspecting nature disappeared along with my innocence in early childhood. My heart aches for my brother, the pain he has endured these past few years. But I know he will grow and learn and rise up strong from all of this, and he will go on one day with his head held high. Because that is what we do when we don’t know what else to do. We may ly down and cry, we may fall into despair, we may scream “Why me” up into the heavens – but in the end, one day, we find ourselves, we find our way, and we go on.
I love you big brother. Mean people suck.