Quitting is Not Always Giving Up

I’m ready to quit my job. It has served me well for 10 years, and it makes me sad to write this, but I want out.

I’ve been lazily (using LinkedIn and other passive methods) looking for other jobs for over a year now, since the Sharky CEO took over and restructured the company by immediately firing over 800 people. I hung on, waited for the dust to settle, tried to keep things going, and mostly it was OK.

Then last month they forced my immediate supervisor to resign. She couldn’t handle the stress any more, the quick turn arounds, the late nights, the lack of resources, the lack of appreciation. I was the next in line in management, so everyone has naturally looked to me in her absence, asking me to do things never before considered my duty, and I don’t want to do it any more.

I’m struggling with this decision, making sure I making it with the right reasons, being mature and responsible and not reacting only emotionally.  I am resisting the urge to just quit in the middle of a huge project and screw them. So far. But my limit has been reached and I’m afraid that is going to happen. I’m afraid I may have to find a job that requires me to leave my house every day, anything similar to mine is not calling me for interviews. I may have to put on my big girl pants and a smile and go outside!!

So I expanded my job hunt and have sent in many applications. I looked past the redundancy of filling in forms and giving them the same info on my resume, although that drives me bonkers. I’m jumping through hoops, even sending in college transcripts for some openings. (Seriously – why do they need that?) I have an online form from my university, but because I completed my degree so long ago, apparently before dinosaurs, my docs are not on file and can not be given to me electronically, so I must wait for them to print and mail them to me. And then I will need to scan them so I can upload the image file to an online application database at this other University. Ridiculous, but I will do it.

Most of the jobs I actually want, now require a Master’s Degree. I was about 4 courses away from completing my Master’s when THE BIG BREAK happened 10 years ago. When my bubble of denial popped and I could no longer function in any way. When I lost my job, and nearly lost my life at my own hands. So yeah, I didn’t complete that degree. I looked into completing it now, and silly me, those courses have expiration dates. You must complete a degree within 5 years at the University I attended, so all that work I started and already paid for counts for nothing towards a degree now. And seeing as I am still paying a huge monthly bill for the student loan that got me that far, starting over doesn’t seem possible. I have looked into financial aid, and we make too much money to get assistance. I have looked into grants, and I don’t seem to fit those either.

Anyways, I have decided I want to quit. But I’m not leaving until I have something else lined up unless they fire me too, which is entirely possible. But I don’t think this is giving up, as I gave them a year of chaos to improve. And instead it has gotten so much worse.

We have no clear leadership right now. No one is making decisions upfront, so many things are being done, and redone, and redone. Some things are being done by multiple people, changed halfway through, and no one tells the first person. We all work remotely from home in different states, so unless someone emails, I have no idea what  they are doing.

My part time job is taking over my life. So many things have now become mandatory that I can’t possibly do them all within my part time, under 30 hours. My schedule has always been flexible, but now we seem to be on call around the clock. I need to be available all day for the 9-5 office people, and then I have to stay up all night to finish tasks the 9-5 ers can’t work on after hours. I did 26 hours in 2 days this week, and did nothing else but work. Well, I mean I still got kids up and off to school, helped with homework and chores after school, but I relied on Hubby to supply dinner and get kids in bed. I rearranged my schedule both evenings and worked in stead of going to rehearsals. Oh, and I cursed. And I cried.

I hate my job now. I hate what they demand of me, I hate the pressure, I hate the long hours, I hate the lack of respect, I hate the inaccurate reporting they make me do just to have good looking graphs. I’m done.

So I applied to 6 positions today, all different paths, all with different lifestyle changes and its own set of pros and cons. I don’t know what will happen, but I know I can handle whatever does. And so I will keep knocking on doors – one has to open eventually. I mean I know I’m super awesome, so I just need them to open the door a little and take a peek, right?

Press to open door

Press to open door (Photo credit: Anthony Albright)

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8 thoughts on “Quitting is Not Always Giving Up

  1. Love how you titled the post, and hope that just around the next doorway, you’ll find your next opportunity. Sometimes, just the action of LOOKING can buy you some time, while you make sure that you are choosing what fits for your life right now. Best of luck as you scan the horizon.

    • Thanks, that’s exactly what I said to Hubby, that the act of trying to find something else makes my current situation more bearable. I feel more in control and know I have choices, tough choices, but they are my choices and I can own them.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this difficult transition and so proud of you for bravely acknowledging the problems, taking the next steps, and welcoming the future, whatever it holds. I pray you’re able to leave the insanity with grace and recognize the new opportunity when the door opens (we both know it isn’t always obvious). Go you! 🙂

  3. Opportunity often comes with closed doors. Strange isn’t it? LinkedIn is one of my favorite avenues of job sourcing. I have just gone through a similar transition, it was hard as it required a very real assessment of what I wanted to do, in the here and now. I suspect this is part of what you are doing. One piece of advice, make a list for yourself. Pros and Cons, Likes and Dislikes, then create a ‘Dream Job’ definition from those lists. Not just of the work you want to do but of the ‘benefits’ you want from the job, things like working from home, schedule flexibility, open work environment. Whatever it is you want. One of the reasons I really like LinkedIn is when you identify opportunities, you can also find people who work for that organization or who have worked there in the past, you can ask questions.

    This is just the next step, after 10 years maybe it is just time. Do some research on school and grants also. Some schools will bring your past credit hours forward despite they have ‘expired’, perhaps not all of them but some. Also, even with higher income levels there are Grants available you just have to do some additional research, scholarships also though these require some effort to obtain. I know this as I am applying like mad right now so I can return for my Ph.D and without Grant and scholarship money I simply cannot afford it.

    The right opportunity will emerge, I know this.

    • Thank you for the encouragement! I don’t where to research to find school grants/scholarships I guess. I never thought of finding a different school that might accept my expired credits, what a great idea! I was simply trying to continue at the university where I started. Hmm, lots more to think about. Good luck on finding funding for your Ph.D! I always thought I was on that doctorate path, but when I fell off the path 10 years ago it has seemed so far out of reach.

  4. The title is so true; I can relate to your job situation. I’ve been in jobs that have sucked me dry and have taken over my life. Wishing the best of luck with the great steps you’ve taking. Hugs, TR

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