I want to hug this man. He is truly a man. Not a sheep, not a coward, not a fool, not a lustful a$$hat like so many other men in this world. He will not allow society to skew his values, make his decisions, and he will not be a a part of the endless objectification of women. And bless him, he won’t raise his son that way either. He will teach his young man that we are all people, and we are all in control of ourselves. I know this. And I think men know it too, but have ridden on this theory for far too long that their hormones somehow overpower their judgement. Everyone enjoys seeing someone attractive. Everyone. But we all have control of our thoughts and actions. (I wrote something previously Men can control themselves)
I think the whole notion that men and women are so different is stupid. There I said it. Stupid. All that kind of thinking does is justify bad behavior and miscommunication (why did wordpress underline this? Why are so many of the words I use not in the wordpress spellchecker? haha, wordpress is underlined too!).
When I get Hubby to talk, guess what? He has all the same emotions, fears, guilts, worries, dreams, and hopes that I do. He is used to stuffing them down pretty deeply, but they are in there. And when we connect, it is a truly beautiful thing. Our souls speak the same language.
When I see a firm, shirtless man walking by, my eyes are drawn there for a second. But then I choose to look away. He is not mine, and his choice to be shirtless does not give me the right to ogle. Not for long, anyway. 🙂 (see women struggle with this too!) And it definitely does not give me the right to make comments, whistle, wink, leer, or touch him. I still encounter men, on a fairly regular basis, that think it is OK to stare, comment, and grab girls when they are dressed cutely. Harassment is one step away from abuse, and I think it could be a small step for some. That may be a blurry line somehow. I have heard so many abusers say “they couldn’t help themselves” and that the victim “made them do it”. Disgusting. Stupid. Wrong. And it needs to stop.
I hope Hubby will have a similar talk with our boys when they are a bit older. I’ll do it too, but it will mean so much more coming from the most important man in their life. I want my boys to grow up and respect women, respect all people. And to know that they are always in control, every action they take was a choice they made. We are all accountable for our own choices, and no more excuses.
Can you imagine a world like that? All honesty and no more excuses? Wow. It is so much a part of our culture, so accepted, that it is actually difficult to imagine. Here’s some examples.
Driver- “I’m sorry officer, I was speeding because it was fun. My fault, I’ll pay the fine”
Doctor – “I chose to go golfing this morning and made you wait for an entire hour past our scheduled time, I will not charge you for the appointment today”
Husband – “I chose to disrespect you and ogled that woman’s ass over there for the past 5 minutes and did not hear what you just said.”
Wife – “I chose to disrespect you and trash talked about you to my girlfriends yesterday”
College Student – “I chose to go to a frat party last night and was way too drunk to complete the assignment”
Professor – “My ego is way too fragile to admit a mistake so I have marked all of your tests as incorrect”
I think the world needs a serious reality check. Can you think of any others?
- We don’t need to take our clothes off (dunphydanielle.wordpress.com)
- What it’s like to be an ugly feminist (newstatesman.com)