My weekend alone was wonderful, but honestly a little too short. It took a full day to feel the numbness melt away and start to take in new input and respond to my own signals again.
I decided to start using wii fit again, and had so much fun working up a sweat. It scolded me for being overweight and not using it for over a year. A year! I had no idea it had been that long. I’m going to make sure to use it every day again, many of those activities get me sweating, moving and stretching. But I won’t beat myself up and give up if I miss a day either. No more excuses, no quitting. I have to live in this body for the rest of my life, it is about time I actually move in and make my own.
I decided to give myself a firm 12am bedtime. No excuses. I know earlier would be better, but 12am is better than 2am so I am starting there. I was in bed last night, doing the usual fidgeting and internally complaining that I am not sleepy yet I should just get up. And then the alarm went off at 5:30 am. I slept straight through!! I wasn’t planning to get up until 7am, that early one was hubby’s alarm, but I felt so rested that I stayed up, made some tea for me, a cup for him to go, started tidying the kitchen, read some work emails, and played a computer game – all before the kiddos came downstairs.
Momentum is building. Rhythm is being created. I can do this everyday life thing. Every day. I really can!
I’m learning to listen to myself and parent myself. I think my internal teenager has grown up a bit. I’m learning to stand up for what I need and make it happen to keep myself healthy and balanced. And for the first time ever, I’m approaching my health from a peaceful, non-manic, non-perfectionistic way.