I’m teetering on an internal edge of destruction. Stress is nearly pushing me over that edge.
Anxiety is so high I can taste it. Fear is hanging over me, trying to swallow me up.
Thinking is painful, slow, and muddled.
I nearly called off work today. But I can say that many days, the ‘nearly’ part. Something has gotten me this far. Some reserve of strength has me in meetings and answering emails even though I want to hold my own hand, curl up in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep.
I am hurting. I don’t like myself today. And I’m trying to stop my inner bully. The conflict is exhausting and consuming.
I have some ideas where this is all coming from, but I can’t write those words today. Not until this passes. I’m afraid if I look too closely today I will decide I am not enough, and fall off that edge. I’m afraid, because I know what waits in that darkness down below, and it looks hungry.