No one – poem 21/30

No one really
knows what I know.

No one actually
knows what I think.

No one possibly
knows how I feel.

No one seemingly
knows what I can do.

No one conceivably
knows where I’m going,
But Me.

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9 thoughts on “No one – poem 21/30

  1. Just to mention, I’m waiting until you make both parties’ words the same colour, orange or blue, up to you. Black on white is perfectly acceptable to me too. Otherwise your writing goes to waste…

    • What an odd request. You want there to be no visible difference in our words? No obvious call and response, not your words and my words – but ours? Or do you merely want to see if I will continue to play along? And my writing has already served me well, never wasted. I’ll consider your request, but blogging is merely a distraction and re-focusing tool I choose to do to stay centered between dull tasks I am required to do, which today requires many of me. And why do you insist on putting fragments of conversation on each of my posts? My blog was the only organized space I had.

  2. I mentioned nothing about quoting/unquoting my words – have your call and response preserved. Maybe I want you play along indeed, who knows ;-p
    Well, in case your writing – which serves you well – is to serve nobody else but you… hmm… then I will have to revise my insistence…

  3. 1. ‘1st is I didn’t want it on my poem, as I did not want to interfere with how readers interact with that poem.’ Hmm, my comment was nothing else but reaction to your poem and blog. Perhaps it wasn’t kind of reaction you were prepared to see or could think of. It was just different to what you think.
    2. ‘even though I don’t appreciate the overall tone in this message’. Don’t know what you mean exactly by *tone*, I only presented my point of view. You are not obliged to share my views and of course I am not obliged to share yours (again speaking from my pov), we can exchange our views freely and in friendly atmosphere remembering that internet as medium is limited.
    3. Replying to others. Would your answer be different if you read someone’s blog and why – this is something only you can relate to – mine wouldn’t. When you say Anon mode makes you reluctant because you are afraid (of what?) think about writing this blog, you write it and anyone can read it. Are you afraid to publish your posts? Do you think you are less Anon to me than I am to you?
    4. Why I’m interested in you – why not? You seem pretty reasonable and you have entirely different experiences than me, sexual abuse that is, isn’t it enough to be interested in you?
    5. Ok, so what’s my agenda/side agenda? Make a list of whatever comes to your mind and what supports your conclusions, choose the most probable items and we can discuss it – in case that could put your fears to rest, if not, no use asking me, right?
    6. I think “this person can hurt you” alarm is a valuable thing, it’s just not that valuable when fired off after someone shows you different opinion than your own on ‘Hello’.
    7. No idea what you are talking about regarding choices made and fault and being a victim of your own self.
    8. Custom made responses. Well, you and me, we are not in therapeutic relation. This is blog and I read it as some kind of memoir, I can make comments on it, ask questions, express my opinions and so on. I’m not your therapist and you are not mine, we are not obliged to tell/write things other party is only happy with or wants to hear/see, keep the client happy, so they will come back. In case running this blog hurts you because people are curious and ask questions or have own conclusions you are not ready to deal with (I cannot possibly know/be sure what is you are not ready to deal with), well don’t write blog or ask me Not-To-Read. Other options – discuss.
    I’m not attempting anything. You can wake up or stay asleep, look inwards or not – this is not for me to decide. It is not my life. It is yours.
    9. ‘To say my blog is about my dad and his protection? This one I just don’t see.’ – I’m perfectly fine with that.
    10. You belong to human race, at least I have no doubts about it.
    11. ‘Is my abuser still alive within me? Yes.’ ‘So if anyone has answers for this, it will help […]’
    My answer is to start extending distance between you and your abuser. If I were you I’d abandon calling him dad and gradually got rid of the thought he is and was your dad/father.

    Should this be helpful: if you are a mother/father, were sexually abused by your parent and now have your own children with a non-abusive spouse, ask yourself what’s the difference between you being a parent to a kid, or between your spouse being a parent to a kid and your own mother/father (depending on which one abused you in the past). How do you feel when your kid calls your husband ‘daddy’ and is there any difference between their daddy and your dad.

    In case my stomach hurts and I can’t sleep because of it, I certainly *hate and blame my stomach* even though it doesn’t make much sense, but I hate this pain and naturally stomach is responsible – not my fault it has nerve endings. Of course I also promise myself not to eat anything Ever Again. Like Ever. Then everything comes back to normal. Surely I can’t remove my stomach entirely and live without it, or remove and put it inside again in the morning; luckily you can remove your dad from your life making it better (of course you may not agree on this with me and find other solution and benefit from it, something that would work better with you and with your values, views, feelings and so on).
    12. ‘This last line was just a bit too dismissive for someone who seems to care about me. ‘ Eww, I don’t think so. Just some facts. But you know, you are free to make your own interpretations, prioritize own interpretations, attach importance to them, grade them and so on, make notes, compare… see own tendencies, see advantages and disadvantages of own strategies, leave them as they are or change them.

    • OK. I have read your responses and will sum up my overall thoughts about all of it with a simple, ‘well alright then’. I get it, and I’m fine with all of that, and can’t think a single thing I want to explore further at this time. The motives one is possibly interesting, what do strangers think of one another and what the internet blog community has created as norms, but only as passing thought.

  4. ‘The motives one is possibly interesting,’ – fine/cool
    ‘what do strangers think of one another’ – fine/cool
    ‘and what the internet blog community has created as norms,’ – holding my horses on that.

    Internet gives the opportunity to create communities where many idividuals are able to participate and create norms, But also gives the opportunity to ONE individual who is able to create whole ‘community’ trying to pose as many different individuals To establish norms. There is a big difference between the two, first idea is called democracy, second – autocracy.
    First = reaching out/taking in,
    second = I’m insecure.

    ‘but only as passing thought.’ – fine/cool with that

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