Taking Steps into Each Sunrise – poem 20/30

malvern hills

Taking steps into each sunrise (malvern hills-Photo credit: A.P PHOTOGRAPHY.)

I’ve been searching for many long years

for the Me that remained hidden beneath so many fears.

The Me that I dared hope lived in my core

The Me that I had never accepted before

My identity- so different from who I portrayed.

Secrets- I kept while my soul decayed.

My spirit woke up and spoke up, demanding attention

demanding the truth with no more pretension.

At long last I listened to my own inner voice

and realized I had power to make a new choice.

The way that it was, was not the way it had to be.

The pain, the abuse, the past – Could I get free?

At first I was unsure, hesitant and scared

for what to do next? I was unprepared.

Taking a step on invisible ground

not knowing if I was ready for what might be found

but I took that step anyway, holding on tight

to the love deep inside Me, with all of my might

I was determined to press on and move on, no matter what

no matter how it might hurt or how deeply it cut.

I knew that the pain would eventually subside

as I released the spirit within me, no longer denied

I took step after step, some forward and some back

but one day the darkness was behind me, so cold and so black

I’d made my out! And shivered to see

That frightening place – where I used to be.

Now that I’m out, I’ve more choices to make

I see so many paths now – Which one to take?

It matters not where I go, just so I keep going

the motion itself is what leads to the knowing.

Knowing I’m Me and knowing I’m growing

gives me the strength and the love that I’m showing.

The world is so beautiful and Life a gift of more days

to feel love and show love in so many ways.


5 thoughts on “Taking Steps into Each Sunrise – poem 20/30

  1. What about… possibility of changing perspective from ‘It matters not where I go’ to ‘It matters where I go’? Either way you keep going. Change would be small, but perhaps significant and as you pointed out, you can always take step back.
    Have you ever thought about making cutting? This way it would be possible to get rid of an old root system and grow a new one, disease-free and your own. Overgrown and unhealthy roots compete with the stem, leaves and flower buds, leaves have to work more to keep far too extensive root system alive. Do you want more flowers or more roots…

    • Funny, I actually struggled on that very line. I know it does matter where I go, eventually, but I was trying to show that when taking those first steps, that any step is fine to get you un-frozen and un-stuck. I used to be afraid to take the wrong step, go the wrong way, and so I went no way at all for fear of making a mistake. So now my perspective is that as long as I’m moving, it doesn’t matter where in each moment, as I will correct my course as needed. I’m in this for the long haul, so the direction of my baby steps matter not.

      As for the rest, that is exactly what I am attempting to do, and I feel, have started to do. But my own roots are still tender and reaching out to really take hold. My new growth is quite new and needs nurturing.

  2. Your peculiar tendency for undoing everything you write creates illusion of meaning, moving etc. Truth is, you don’t exactly know what to do, but this blog is nurturing you well, so you’re self-sufficient. Well well, you are a very strange person indeed. I thought about your writing and it seems like you know all the rules, how things should be, what to do to achieve x and y, just somehow you are unable/can’t apply them to yourself, turn them into habits and just go on with them. It’s exactly as you say, fear of making mistakes. Maybe you just don’t agree with some rules and don’t know how to transform them into rules more suitable to you that would be both good and worth following. You seem entirely defenceless person (excluding anger weapon at times, but this is total, so not very good) by not knowing what to do and not taking risk to see your decissions were good, not so good or bad after all. I think you mainly use ready-made scripts, like cookbook recipes without much consideration (in case you started considering, it could paralyze you and you’d end up doing nothing). Yeah, in a way, you Are like a child. I’ve never in my life seen anyone like you.

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