Holiday Cheer, with a bit of Holiday Fear

Holiday Lights

Holiday Lights (Photo credit: ImageMD)

Holiday cheer or Holiday Fear? Some of both over here.

Made it to and through another dinner at my Mom’s house. More details about this to come, feeling too good right now to write about the details. Made it through the panic attack before going. Made it through the triggering atmosphere and walks down memory lane. I even enjoyed myself at a few points, watching the cousins play together, discussing my eldest niece’s upcoming wedding plans, and seeing the joy on my youngest niece’s sweet little baby face as she squealed and cooed.

Holidays for me are full of extremes, and each moment can flip from pure panic to pure joy like that.

But I made it through. I am here, I am intact and not spiraling into darkness.

I am excited for Santa to visit tonight. I am excited for tomorrow. Tomorrow we will likely be woken up at dawn, probably from my youngest as he heads to the tree to see if Santa came, and then screams in surprise and joy to see that he did come. We have many, many carefully selected surprises  wrapped and hidden and waiting to be set under the tree once the little ones are sleeping tonight. And tomorrow – we stay home. Best day of the year. We’ll have cocoa in our jammies while we open our gifts. Then we’ll have a huge breakfast feast, still in our jammies. Then we’ll play with our new toys, use our new tools, read our new books, try our new paints – still in our jammies.

I can’t wait. Tomorrow will be only safe, warm, fuzzy, cozy Holiday love and cheer. No fear tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

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