I’m so Annoying, New Levels of Procrastination

English: On of early works after Nathaniel arr...

I’m annoying myself more than a lousy mime in my face (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am annoying the crap out of myself right now. I am making work so difficult, for no reason, other than I think – to annoy myself.

Do I enjoy tormenting myself, and watching myself scramble to make things right? Do I enjoy the feeling of making it all work out, or just squeaking by? Perhaps.

I have an extremely tedious project that I have no desire to do at all. So I have not started it yet. I did enough of getting it set up that my boss thinks I am steadily working on it. I have this option because I work from home and only turn in time sheets twice a month. Now, I do have a minimum number of hours I must work each week, and I an extremely honest and would never cheat. I do bend the rules a bit though. Like I borrow hours worked from this week to fill out missing hours from last week, but I note that on the time sheet, so not really cheating. Problem is, I have been playing this game several weeks now and it is extremely annoying to have today’s work count for last week. My boss even knows I do this, (knows I bill for hours worked on different days to make accounting easier – does not know I beat myself up about starting boring work) doesn’t care as long it all works out, so it’s not like some sick thrill of sticking it to the boss. I need one long day of work to get back on track and stop playing catch-up. But I won’t do it. And here I am blogging about it instead of doing that project. ANYTHING to avoid it right now.

I’ve also been avoiding simple jobs, like piling trash on the counter as I cook instead of taking 3 steps to the trash can. Or letting dishes pile up instead of unloading the dishwasher. I changed the sheets, but left the dirty ones in a heap on the floor. You can see signs of my distractibility and procrastination every where, which just adds to my overall annoyance with myself. Like I have a slob of a roommate, but it is me. I stomp around then later cleaning up the messes I left for myself, annoyed and amused at the same time, like Really? Really I walked away and left these egg shells next to the stove?

So why do I keep doing this stuff? Or more accurately, why do I keep not doing this stuff? Why do I choose to some things and not others. Why did I spend so many days cleaning out closets, playing computer games, watching reruns of Big Bang Theory, even washing out cupboards and wiping down walls – instead of working on my project or running a dishwasher? Because it isn’t due yet. Because I have the choice to do things that are slightly more interesting. If my boss told me it was due today, I’d have it done. If someone was coming over, those dishes would be done. But my inner teenager just can NOT start something early. I will have it done on time, and will reap all this praise, which I will both enjoy, but also roll my eyes at because the task was easy and undeserving of praise.

And so I could pour on the excuses, like I took the kids to a fall festival because they won’t always be little, like 2 kids are home from school with croup and need extra attention, like I had to do the closets because the winter clothes did not fit and we already need our gloves in the morning, like I needed that extra nap because Seasonal Affective Disorder has me tired despite vitamin D and light therapy, like I have had major breakthroughs in my family boundaries and in therapy and needed extra sleep. Yeah, I could list those excuses. But life is always there and could always provide those excuses. But I always find time for things that are fun, or interesting to me. I’m all for instant gratification. Now – yes NOW!!

It comes down to discipline for me I think. I just don’t like doing boring things, and will find any excuse to delay them. And I can’t make myself do things that have soft deadlines. Never work ahead. Always playing catch up. Very simple. And extremely annoying. I just want to grow up already and start being proactive. Is it possible to change this big of a habit? Not so sure.

I linked an article below, which is useless, sorry. Unless I get an electric shock every time I procrastinate, I don’t believe I can change this behavior. The cheese at the end of the procrastination maze is just too yummy.

The poem is nice, and has nothing to do with this topic, which is why it is nice. Because I’m bored with myself.

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9 thoughts on “I’m so Annoying, New Levels of Procrastination

  1. lol…not to encourage you to procrastinate more, but I was sitting here, avoiding a work project that I should be doing but don’t want to, when you posted. I was *just* about to grudgingly open a folder when the notification came through and I thought “YES! Something more interesting to do for a few minutes!”.

    Just sayin. 😉

  2. HA!! You just took the words out of my brain… I could totally have written this exact post. Right before I read this post, I was mentally beating myself up because I JUST went and threw my dirty dishes in the sink instead of taking the same amount of time to put them in the dishwasher, which only needs a few more dishes to run. I drive my poor DH nuts leaving a trail of crap wherever I go in the house…It would be so much easier to just take care of my messes as I make them, but I can’t seem to get out of my own way to stay on top of it 🙂

  3. I was just thinking about this as I slipped behind on my personal editing schedule. I have to remind myself there’s a before SWA and an after SWA. Before I worked for Southwest Airlines, I rarely gave anything my best effort. What was the point? The NM was going to tear it apart anyway. I did enough to squeak by, but my work was often slipshod. Why do my best when it wasn’t going to be good enough anyway? At least when I was told it wasn’t good enough I could honest agree. I knew I could have done better. Then I worked for SWA, in reservations. It is not a complicated job. It didn’t require anything special. I often told people there was no one in the company lower than me. My job was to answer the phone and answer questions about SWA service and book reservations. The calls came in no matter how productive or unproductive I was feeling. Day in and day out, every day, month after month and year after year. I don’t know why it sank in there, but I finally figured out I needed to do my job and putting it off didn’t make it better or easier. Maybe it was the mundaneness of it all. Perhaps I honestly learned by the very routineness of it. As a transciptionist, my work from home required a quick turn around. It didn’t matter how lousy I felt, it had to be done. It’s what I agreed to do. It’s translating into my writing. I have a deadline and I will meet it. I try to be early, and sometimes I am. Sometimes I’m under the wire. Hmmm…maybe this is exactly what I needed to jump back on the current project. What I do matters – not so much to everyone else but to me. It matters to me. Doing a good job now matters to me. I want to do my best, including not running myself into the ground, because it matters to me. Cool. I hadn’t realized I’d made that new association with what I do. I still procrastinate. I think it’s considered normal.

    • Lots to think about in here, and it almost seemed like you figured some things out as you were writing this. Pretty hard to put your best self in a job like that, you’re just a body doing an endless task. Luckily my current job is not that bad, not at all, but it is still work.

      And yes, it is easier to do well on things that matter to me, and I guess clutter does not matter to me in my house unless I feel I will be judged by it. And some of my procrastination is actually lack of attention, which is different I see now, and will explore more later.

  4. I could read me in every line. I struggle and yet I look at some of the things I accomplished, it just wasn’t what I planned to accomplish. I finally accepted that I need a certain amount of procrastination to keep from feeling picked on and overwhelmed. Hugs. I bet my teenager would have a blast with your teenager. Laughing and joking and not getting done what we were supposed to do. 🙂

  5. Pingback: I’m Procrastinating | Stroller City

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