My energy has returned and the only depression you can see here is the space in the couch where I spent my time last week!
Hubby gets the gold star for discovering the biggest reason I was so tired – my diet. Back in the spring, it was discovered that I react strongly to sugar in my diet. I was being very careful to balance all my carbs with equal amounts of protein/fat/fiber to avoid sugar spikes and crashes. Well, I guess once the kids returned to school, I returned to my old snacks and habits.
That day I was so tired, Hubby asked what I just ate – I had a snack of pretzels in Nutella (God I love Nutella) and nothing else, about 30 min before the fatigue wave. Duh! I should have had some nuts with it. And skipped the extra nutella by licking the spoon. And then I was tired in the afternoon from getting up earlier for school, so I turned to my quick snacks, which made me feel worse. Add all the recent work stress, and I was a sugar addict once again.
Apparently even my pancreas is an overachiever, (I knew perfectionism was at a cellular level for me) since my blood sugar crashes quickly after any unbalanced carbs or sugars.
So, as much of a pain as it is, I need to watch my diet. No plain sugar! Keep carbs low and balanced. No sugar spikes. I can do this. 2 days of this and I’m back to functioning.
I don’t know everything that is happening here in my body, but the sugar crashes cause almost a hangover type feeling of brain fog and fatigue with intense hunger and sugar cravings, which intensifies the cycle. So, I’m not the type of person that can eliminate sugar and simple carbs completely, been a sugar girl all my life. But I can reduce it, and I can balance it, if I remember to do so.
I feel so stupid for going back to old habits, and not connecting my physical state. I am so quick to blame depression, PTSD, some other mysterious illness, and not blame my own actions. Another old habit. I know I am in control, I am no longer a victim, but that learned helplessness creeps back in so many ways. So indirectly, this can be blamed on childhood abuse, but more likely just human stupidity.
I actually like that I am human, and just stupid sometimes. Accepting this helps me accept other flaws that are just part of good old me. Even though I am smart, and great at analysis and making connections and drawing conclusions, I may miss these steps about myself. I guess that’s why we are not alone, humans and meant to help each other.
So now I have to decide that I love myself enough to take the extra time required to read labels and not eat snacks or meals that carbo load and make me suffer. I’ve had enough suffering. I can do this for myself. And when I forget, Hubby can gently remind me (kick my butt) that I’m causing my own misery.
- Science shows that self-discipline taxes the soul (iijiij.com)
- 3 Reasons We Just Won’t Change (ichoosechange.com)