I have realized that I did not marry a knight in shining armour. He is not my rescuer, my savior, or my protector. He is my husband – and that should be enough!
I wonder how many hurting young women enter marriage thinking it will solve everything, will erase the painful past, and will protect her from future pain? I know now that I put my husband in a terrible position, asking him to rescue me.
Hubby swears he married me because he loves me, that he thinks I’m the most beautiful, smart, funny, amazing girl he ever met. Awww. OK, sure, that sounds great. I married him also because I love him, but I had another reason. I wanted out of my abusive family. I wanted to escape. And I wanted a brave knight to protect me. I just neglected to mention this part to my knight.
So years later, almost 2 decades later – crap! When did I get so old? I realized I still thought of him as my knight, except I also thought he had failed me. My dragon lives on, and continues to torment me, if only through the holes he pierced in my heart and soul. I blamed my husband for so much of my pain, thinking it was his responsibility to heal me, to keep me safe. It is not. It is mine.
I also realized I put way too much pressure on him, allowed him to make all the major choices and decisions about buying a home, cars, investing, health care, etc. I felt like I let him choose, and then blamed him for making poor choices when anything went wrong with our house, car, etc. I see now that was unreasonable and set us up for trouble.
As soon as I started thinking my husband is my partner, not my savior, we started connecting in ways never before possible. I stopped resenting him for my daily pain, and moved the responsibility to where it belongs. Only I can choose my life’s direction.
My husband may not be a knight, certainly is not perfect, but is absolutely a great husband and father once we allowed him to be. And yes I wrote ‘we’ because Hubby and I both made choices that kept him away from me and the babies. We’re making better choices now, and most importantly, we’re making them together.
- I’m Becoming (rainey46.wordpress.com)