Spare Change for My Heart – Beautiful Words

“I expect you to think and behave in a certain way. If you don’t think and behave in this certain way, I shall punish myself, by becoming hurt and upset, and I will stay this way until you change.” -Anonymous.

Came across that quote at http://angermanagementtoday.com/

Words

Words (Photo credit: sirwiseowl)

I have decided I will not wait for my husband to change and hope to have good moments or good days. Instead I am changing me. I will help my husband become a better man, because he asked for help. He has stayed with me while I became a better woman. But I will help him with a guarded heart. I will help him as a friend. I don’t trust him as a husband. As a husband, the pain he causes is just too great.

Right now I can’t see ever feeling true love for him. Not after trying for so long. And not after feeling so good and free the past few days. I’m bopping about my house, doing what needs done, (in between the bouts of tears) no resentment, no stress, no worries. I’m no longer worried how my actions will make him react. I have disconnected that power cord. My heart has let him go. Sadly he was so close to being gone that the total release was not that difficult.

He is a weak, cowardly, man afraid of many things in life. He is emotionally shallow.

He is wordless. He has never read an entire book. He has never written me a letter, or even a note. He certainly has never written a poem or just used words to express anything to me other than angry. He is good at those words. (Nasty, bitch, hell, shut up, be quiet, you can’t)

I need words. Loving words. I love words. I breathe words. Beautiful words.

I feel calm, peaceful and strong today. I no longer expect him to think or behave in a certain way. I accept him. Because I accept me.

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7 thoughts on “Spare Change for My Heart – Beautiful Words

  1. Bless you dear lady, in your journey of acceptance and self love…there comes a time when you have to do what is right for you….I have been there….and now I am much happier for it….I applaud your efforts and will lift you up when you cross my mind….love to you…
    many blessings and best wishes,
    Celeste

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