My body won’t listen to my brain

My brain has set up some really doable goals. Lots of little chunks of action to lead to the final goal. My brain is super excited and can’t wait to check something off that list. My body won’t listen.

I am so tired again. Yes, I did stay up too late watching TV. Yes I did pig out with chocolate ice cream AND potato chips. Yes I did sleep in this morning and forget to take a kid to preschool. Yes he did cry. Yes I didn’t get breakfast until lunch time. Yes my preschooler got his own snacks today. Yes I feel a bit guilty, but mostly I just feel tired. Where did this tired come from?

My husband is away this week on business, so everything here is up to me. I don’t feel worried about this, but could it affect me anyway?

I just finished a super stressful go-go-go couple of weeks where I did not get this tired. Did I stop rushing about and now I can’t get going again?

Did I reach some hormonal or chemical low point in this strange cycling depression?

I’m too tired to be frustrated today, that will hit me in a few days when I look back and see all the time I wasted.

It is gorgeous outside and my garden is calling for help. My brain hears the call, but my body won’t answer it.

My oldest wants to work on a school project together with a buddy. She wants me to call and ask the mom if she can go over. I keep staring at the number. It looks all jumbled, and I don’t want to call. My brain says push the buttons, say hello. My body says that is too difficult.

I made 3 pots of coffee today, but only had 2 sips, each full cup gets dumped out as I discover it cold and forgotten. I burned the lunch, somehow distracted while I stood in front of the skillet the whole time. I had set the flame to high.

I feel completely disconnected, like I’m not in this world. Maybe I’m not. Maybe my spirit gets so bored with being  a housewife that it actually takes off occasionally, and leaves me feeling tired and empty. Maybe Brain and body don’t work together unless the spirit is there.

A chimpanzee brain at the Science Museum London (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Maybe I’m really just a brain in a jar and I have been unplugged from the matrix. Plug me back in Keanu!

6 thoughts on “My body won’t listen to my brain

  1. My heart goes out to you, reading this post. My brain and body are at constant odds and I’m familiar with that struggle..especially the way you described trying to make the phone call! I’ll sit there at times with the phone to my ear, trying to figure out how to make myself dial the number.

    Try to be easy on yourself today. Maybe you just need a little more time to recharge after last week.

  2. Life became a little less stressful when I allowed that not every day would be a good day. Some days are just not good days. Life happens. It’s easy to be happy with ourselves when everything is going well, not so easy when things aren’t going well, but you’re still a good person, and you’re still trying to move forward, just a little slower. You won’t be stuck in slow forever, even if it feels like it at the moment. Hang in there! Yes, I get this, but I’m not in it right now, so it’s easier to say it’ll improve.

    • So true. Not everyday will be a good day. Some days will be great. I’m ok with that. Just trying to get in sync and figure out ‘why’ I am like this. In the mean time, yes, I try to just accept it. It is getting easier to do this, not so much guilt and shame.

  3. Sometimes we have those days where things just don’t quite connect … there is always tomorrow, and another chance to do it a little bit better than you did it today. For instance, today I actually managed to run the vacuum, do two loads of laundry, AND cook dinner. That’s like a triathlon for me! Tomorrow I’m supposed to actually force myself out of the house. We’ll see?

    • Yes, there’s always tomorrow. And I totally get the triathlon comparison. Some days the most basic tasks feel like that. Good for you having a good day! I hope you make it out of the house for whatever you have planned. I get that part too.

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