I can still recall the feelings rushing through me when I first became a mother. So many years have passed, and yet the memory of that feeling is available for me. There was joy, relief, fear, and amazement, but the overwhelming feeling, the one that topped any feeling I had ever had before – Love.
Love whooshed and swarmed and tickled every cell in my brain and body. I had a daughter – I was a mom. The realization was so powerful.
I had loved before, of course. I loved my pets. I loved my family. I loved my friends. I loved my husband. But never had I ever experienced the depth and rush of love that I had for my new baby girl. This heart-stopping, breath-taking, tear-jerking love was completely new to me.
I recall attempting to explain this feeling to my husband the first day we brought baby girl home from the hospital. I assumed he was feeling the same way, and that we could share in this experience. But I quickly stopped, as I realized what I was feeling was only for new moms. I was the one with the hormones and brain features to have this feeling. I had the same rush with each baby, though not as strong as that first time. The first time I looked in my baby girl’s eyes, time stopped, my heart exploded, and our souls united for one magical moment. My eyes said “I’m your mom”. Her eyes said “There you are, finally, there’s my mom”
I think my experience was particularly shocking, as I never knew the love of my parents, and felt alone and isolated even when with friends, family or my husband.
I am now thinking that becoming a mom actually unlocked areas of my brain that had never been accessed, being an abused and neglected child. I have no idea about the validity of any of this, but it seems to make sense.
- enlighten your spirit: louise erdrich (motheringspirit.wordpress.com)
- 10 Things I Don’t Want to Forget About My First Year of Motherhood (scienceofmom.com)
- Mother (ienla.wordpress.com)