Once again I am sitting here
wondering what I did wrong, my dear
With others I can speak my mind
With you, I am stifled and censored I find
My heart is heavy, and tired too
I feel so hurt and unsettled, confused by you
The hurtful words roll easily off your tongue
then you smile and joke, but it does not erase what is done
It is exhausting to always have to say things right
And it is exhausting to have these constant fights
What I mean is what I said
Why do you think I have hidden meanings in my head?
You must assume my words are meant to criticize
So your response sounds like defensive cries
So I think ahead and edit my unspoken words
Which I now think is totally absurd
I should be allowed to ask you a question
or even offer up a suggestion
But you hear an order, an instant command
so instead of discussion, I get a reprimand
How do we end this cycle so vicious?
Love and support would be so delicious.
I am here and I’m trying, and I’ll wait for you more
But there is a day when I’ll walk out that door
For years I have let you treat me this way
Cut me down to nothing with those words that you say
But I am not nothing, this I now know
Today I stay, though my heart wants to go
You say you are happy and don’t understand
my attempts to improve us, my hopes or plans
You think it is enough to work and provide money
But I feel contempt when you say Yes Dear, or Honey
You think you are great for tolerating me
And I wonder what it would be like to be free
There has to be more to love than this
Or is there no such thing as marital bliss?
What I want I’ll make it so clear
I want you to be honest my dear
If I make a suggestion that you don’t want to do
Tell me so, don’t make promises you can’t follow through
If I ask a question just say yes or no
Maybe and I oughtta gives me nowhere to go
Are you afraid, does fear hold you back?
Do you say your words with love, or a complete lack?
Do you want me to guess? Or want me to leave?
Are you unsure, or have a trick up your sleeve?
Sometimes I wish you would hit me or have an affair
something concrete, not bad feelings – thin air
What we have, in many ways is working
you hold the strings to my heart – Please Stop jerking