I am feeling down today. I am again the reason my daughter is being held back from a social event. I even made up the word misfittiness.
I am not close to any other moms in town, other than wave and say hello, I don’t even chat with them. I have tried, but I just can’t get very far.
Reasons why: I want to stab my eyes out rather than listen to most people.
1. I have never had a manicure or pedicure and never will so that topic dies right there. I don’t mind that they do, but other than acknowledging it looks pretty (though often I think it is gaudy and tacky), what else is there to say? (waste of money, don’t want people touching me, I don’t like adding toxic chemicals to my body, I work with my hands so polish only last an hour anyway)
2. I hate shopping, don’t waste time on deals, just buy what I need when I need it.
3. I hate most TV shows, the slap stick predictability, and inappropriate humor just isn’t funny to me. I have better ways to waste my time.
4. I hate most sports. Too boring, don’t get it.
5. I hate most bestseller books, beach or romance novels.
I could go on and on, but I don’t feel like I fit in this world, my mind/body/soul is bored and annoyed and I don’t want to fit in with them.
However, I also do not want to ruin my kids’ chances of fitting in if they want to. But due to lack of chatting, my kids have never had a playdate – ever. Now they attend birthday parties and such, but so and so’s mom has never called us to invite over. And I keep my house in such a chaotic manner, I would never invite anyone over here.
My daughter has a chance to go to a fun night at the YMCA, but a parent is required, and I just can’t spend that many hours with the other moms and kids. I can handle bits and pieces, but this is 6pm-11pm, no way, uh-uh, I would melt down and cry before it was over. And although I am fine swimming with strangers, I can not reveal my overweight body to these judgy type of women with perfect nails, hair, and clothes.
So I said no. And I feel bad for my daughter, she does not understand, but she will have plenty of experiences like that when she is older and can go without me. I just can’t do it. I feel like crap this time of year anyway, no need to push it.