Social Misfittiness passed on to children

I am feeling down today. I am again the reason my daughter is being held back from  a social event. I even made up the word misfittiness.

I am not close to any other moms in town, other than wave and say hello, I don’t even chat with them. I have tried, but I just can’t get very far.

Reasons why: I want to stab my eyes out rather than listen to most people.

1. I have never had a manicure or pedicure and never will so that topic dies right there. I don’t mind that they do, but other than acknowledging it looks pretty (though often I think it is gaudy and tacky), what else is there to say?  (waste of money, don’t want people touching me, I don’t like adding toxic chemicals to my body, I work with my hands so polish only last an hour anyway)

2. I hate shopping, don’t waste time on deals, just buy what I need when I need it.

3. I hate most TV shows, the slap stick predictability, and inappropriate humor just isn’t funny to me. I have better ways to waste my time.

Where did the well thought out, actually planned and written TV show go?

4. I hate most sports. Too boring, don’t get it.

5. I hate most bestseller books, beach or romance novels.


I could go on and on, but I don’t feel like I fit in this world, my mind/body/soul is bored and annoyed and I don’t want to fit in with them.

However, I also do not want to ruin my kids’ chances of fitting in if they want to. But due to lack of chatting, my kids have never had a playdate – ever. Now they attend birthday parties and such, but so and so’s mom has never called us to invite over. And I keep my house in such a chaotic manner, I would never invite anyone over here.

My daughter has a chance to go to a fun night at the YMCA, but a parent is required, and I just can’t spend that many hours with the other moms and kids. I can handle bits and pieces, but this is 6pm-11pm, no way, uh-uh, I would melt down and cry before it was over. And although I am fine swimming with strangers, I can not reveal my overweight body to these judgy type of women with perfect nails, hair, and clothes.

So I said no. And I feel bad for my daughter, she does not understand, but she will have plenty of experiences like that when she is older and can go without me. I just can’t do it. I feel like crap this time of year anyway, no need to push it.


3 thoughts on “Social Misfittiness passed on to children

  1. Been there internet friend! Until my son was old enough to revel in his uniqueness I did make an effort not to sabotage his social opportunities with “judgy type of women with perfect nails, hair, and clothes.” in our neighbourhood. Since I do not like shopping, sports, their shows or anything else they were in to I just determined that because they were SO very concerned with their appearance they really “needed” a little bit of compliment for their efforts. So, yes, I pretended most of the time, to admire their clothes, make-up, new hairstyle etc., always taking the trouble to notice their efforts and complimenting them on their results:) They lapped it up like kittens scoring a giant bowl of cream! LOL In the beginning I seemed REALLY FAKE to myself, but these superficial people did not seem to notice or care. Then it became much easier and automatic…and I only had to keep it up until my son started refusing the invitations to their social scene because he had decided on his own that he didn’t like that stuff. Win-win for us.
    I also was not above making my shortcomings in the housekeeping department the subject of many amusing anecdotes for them when stuck in their company for any significant amount of time. That being said, beware of the person that seeks out your company just to make themselves feel superior. None of them became my “friend” and I managed to convince them that it was my incompetence that was preventing me from participating in their outings, coffee dates etc. They ended up treating me like a beloved pet…some even baked for me…BONUS:) AND, they watched over my son during those outings when a parent was required.
    All funny business aside, I was more than relieved to be able to abandon that persona…but all in all it was worth the trouble. My son got to experience for himself what that crowd had to offer and make an informed decision about popularity versus pursuing only what was enjoyable to him.
    I would encourage you to give it a try and see what happens. You’ll feel a bit strange and they may be somewhat startled by your sudden “friendliness”, but the flattery will quickly feed their need and you’ll be on your way. At the same time, don’t forget to encourage your daughters individuality:)

    • Sometimes I can play along, dole out compliments, talk about things I don’t care about, but other times I just don’t have the energy or care to try. I do enough of it, I think, that my kids are not suffering. But I can not do it every day, and so I pick and choose which events I think are worth it in the long run. They all just think we are very busy, which we are, but not in the way they think, as we do not rush about from sports to dance to parties to shopping as they do. We spend more time on nature walks, library programs, arts and theatre. My kids are still very young, we will see how things develop or change as they get older. Plus we moved into a very tight-knit community, everyone else still thinks we are outsiders and that we must have friends elsewhere, which is somewhat true as well. My dentist in town, said he is still referred to as the new dentist and he has been here 40 years. Sometimes it is creepy, like a Stephen King novel, but I am content here, and feel very safe. I have also been told that my kids will be accepted in a way that I never will, not growing up here.

  2. Pingback: Happy! I’m so happy, my kids are happy, my husband is happy | Roots to Blossom

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